Writing...again.

As a birthday present this year my wife bought me a new writing pen and a gift card to Peet's, where I write. Her support is a little overwhelming. She's pushing me to succeed. What! (I'm stealing this phrase from the show "Psych").

Today I'm working out the concepts for a web series. The big challenge: how to draw an audience and hold their attention. I'll be back here tomorrow banging it out. For now I must meet my brother for breakfast.

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Amendment

My wife finally read the post about moving and she thought I didn't properly convey the situation so I will do so now.

I have always wanted to live in the Bay Area. It's about time for the film industry to be revitalized here and I want to be here and a part of it when it does. The prospect of leaving here to move to LA does not seem appealing but if it got me closer to my dream then I would bite the bullet.

My wife's desire to stay in the Bay Area is so awesome. We are now aggressively searching for a home to buy...with a place I can use as my office. 2011 could be a turning point year.

We'll see.

What's the Story, Morning Glory?

The wife and I had a rarity this past weekend, a date. With three kids, one of which is a newborn, adult time usually amounts to washing dishes, making lunches, brushing our teeth and crawling into bed. So this date was well deserved, and enjoyed. We did the "dinner-and-a-movie" bit. We ended up watching "Morning Glory" with Rachel McAdams, Patrick Wilson, Harrison Ford and Diane Keaton. It's a romantic-comedy with some funny moments. What it lacked was real relationships.

Initially I thought the romantic relationship between Becky (McAdams) and Adam (Wilson) was going to be endearing and realistic. Instead, moments after proclaiming they would take things slow, they hop into bed.

Here are two characters who clearly want to be known. Becky is afraid a man will leave her when he realizes how focused she is on her work, even a little neurotic. Adam is pigeon holed by his looks and upbringing. They're hoping someone will look beyond the exterior and see them for who they are inside. So the screenwriter and the director respond with having them sleep together. Don't get me wrong, I understand their reasons. Sex is good and for those moments you feel close to someone. It doesn't create a foundation for any lasting relationship.

I'd like to see couples deal with differences, learn to have healthy disagreements or, and more importantly, how to forgive and be forgiven. These are the elements of a relationship I want to see. A good example is "The American President" with Michael Douglas and Annette Benning. Yes, they do sleep together but I think the screenwriter and director did a great job showing their relationship grow.

I know it's hard to write such stories, to conceive of good characters and well developed arcs. It takes time, and time means lost wages. But aren't we risking a lot in the name of profits?

Untilted #37

Why do artists have pieces of work that are untitled? An untitled symphony or painting or a poem. I don't understand. Does it elevate the artsy-fartsy element to the piece? Years later someone comments about the piece with, "This is from his Untitled period. He was resisting labels."

I resist labels and embrace them, depending on how good it sounds at the time. I accept the labels of child of God, husband and father. My job title I accept because it's temporary. The label of filmmaker I wrestle with. Sometimes I believe it and other times I don't. I'm a little like the guy in Katy Perry's "Hot and Cold". Up then down, wrong then right. And I was definitely wrong about my wife. Amidst my inactivity and uncertainty I forgot how much she supports me. I forgot how much she loves me and wants this for me. I forgot to believe in her and the marriage we have built.

Two weeks ago we were discussing where we would like to buy a house, Bay Area or LA. For years she has wanted to move down south in order to be closer to her family. I said no because it's LA. Well, after many visits, it's grown on me. And it is the home of the film industry. I was ready to make the move. I could enroll in a screenwriting course, tap into some contacts, and jump start my career. "The future looks bright. I gotta wear shades."

Buying a home here means we have to stay at least five years, a prerequisite of the down payment assistance. And while our friends and great food are here, the industry and her family are not. Surprise surprise, she wants to stay here. And, she wants to make a concerted effort to move me closer to my dreams.

It's game time!

Do You Have A Tissue For My Daddy Issue?

The breaking into the film and television industry is just plain hard. You must work hard, put in long hours, and be creative, passionate, and relational. Good looks help, too. And still you might not make it.

Those chasing the dream have a day job to pay for the roof over their head and the cheese sandwich on their plate. Everything they do is for one goal: a career in Hollywood. And they're willing to sacrifice it all for that end. I, on the other hand, am a husband and father. I cannot leave those I love and the responsibilities that come with them to completely pursue my own dreams. Well, I could but then I'd be like my dad...

You see, my dad put his family second to his pursuits (think "Cats in the Cradle"). He would decide the direction the family would take and everyone was expected to follow. Many a summer I would fly out to see him, we'd spend that day together and the next he'd be on a plane for some meeting. And I get that it's exciting for him to pursue a new, cutting-edge business venture with hopes of a big return. He's worked hard to establish for himself a strong reputation as a businessman.

But as a father his reputation is one of failed promises, missed birthdays and no relationship with his kids. Am I willing to sacrifice these things to obtain a position as show runner for my own TV show? No.

So how do I get closer to the dream without sacrificing my family?

No answers. Only questions.

Can't Sleep

I spent the day nursing the flu so try and try as I may, I could not sleep. My mind kept thinking about this or that. And one thing I continually came back to was my desire to work in television.

Since leaving the farmlands of Normal, Illinois (yes, that's the name of the town) in '96 for the political charged Bay Area my focus has always been film. While others spent their Spring Breaks on the beach of Mexico engaging in debauchery I watched movies from sun up to sun down (I think I graduated college having watched over 3000 movies). When my friends would go party in the City, I worked weekends in a video store. Some spent their college grants on things like school, or clothes, or trips, I spent it on making my short films.

I studied film in college and had an awesome internship with a small production company, which allowed me hands-on experience with producing, production, and editing, and the opportunity to meet bands like Switchfoot, Steven Curtis Chapman, and Dishwalla.

The summer after I graduated I went to New York city and attended NYU's summer film program. And when I returned I had big plans. I had a couple of gigs in LA, I had a prospect to get into music video directing, some side editing work. I was set. And then...nothing.

The music video thing fell through. It got harder and harder to find work. Money was tight. I ended up working in a restaurant. I met a wonderful woman with an equally wonderful 2 year old son. We got married and had more kids, for a total of three. I left film work to get a full-time job with health benefits and regular hours. I started assistant coaching my sons' soccer team, feeding our beautiful, 9-month old daughter, looking over my sons' homework, And there's always discipline, reading books, washing dishes, and laundry. I go to PTA meetings and schmooze with other parents. Plan covert date nights. And in my head I conceive of a television show or work out a film idea, and that's as far as it goes.

"Where am I going", is the question. Is my dream to work in television just that, a dream? Will I end up a fireside filmmaker, full of ideas and criticism but never putting them into action? I'm reminded of "Livin' on a Prayer". Seems about right.